| Let's get a quick Canon Fodder definition out of | | | | playing these games at the highest level are |
| the way.sport - A game or competition between | | | | athletes, but these are nothing more than skills |
| two or more willing opponents where each side | | | | competitions. They are hardly different than an |
| has the ability and opportunity to react and | | | | eating or jump rope contest. |
| impact the other's actions. The final result should | | | | This brings us to hunting and fishing and tests of |
| leave no room for judgment or interpretation. | | | | man versus animal. Though animals offer more of |
| You won't find this definition in Webster's. It's | | | | a challenge than a non-moving golf course, it's |
| completely my own creation. Most fans probably | | | | hardly two opponents squaring off in a |
| won't agree with my terminology, but I feel it | | | | winner-takes-all. Hunter versus a charging rhino? |
| makes more sense than the terms we as fans | | | | Okay, failure has serious repercussions for both |
| often toss about without consideration. | | | | participants. Hunter versus deer? I've never felt |
| I'm a fan of sports. Baseball. Football. Hockey. | | | | threatened in the few years I've been in deer |
| Basketball. Tennis. Curling. Chess. Sports one and | | | | camp. The whole hunting as sport concept falls |
| all. | | | | apart when you realize the animals don't really |
| Golf? Bowling? Figure skating? Gymnastics? | | | | want to participate. They're doing so against their |
| Entertaining and difficult to master, but non-sports | | | | will. (And fish striking a lure is instinct, not a |
| across the board. | | | | conscious decision to engage the alcoholic in the |
| So now you're sitting there digesting my | | | | waders in an epic battle of wits. Keep in mind, the |
| seemingly preposterous few lines of blather and | | | | typical fish has a brain the size of a pea meaning |
| thinking, this guy is nuts. Tiger Woods is clearly an | | | | both contestants are at least on even footing |
| athlete but doesn't play a sport? What about all | | | | intellectually.) |
| those Olympians we trot out every four years? | | | | So what about those games we don't think of |
| Surely they are all athletes. | | | | typically as sports? Say checkers? Red versus |
| Well, yes. There are plenty of folks considered | | | | black. Jump an opponent and they're off the |
| athletes that don't actually play a sport. (Go | | | | board. Winner-takes-all. I would call this dance of |
| Check out for another article where I come up | | | | offensive and defensive strategy a sport. Chess |
| with the definition of an athlete.) | | | | falls under the same guise. |
| I think the best way to approach this is to look at | | | | How about a barroom game like quarter bounce? |
| games we don't consider sports and work | | | | One player's ability to sink a shot indirectly affects |
| forward. Let's start with something involving a | | | | the opponent (they have to drink) thus impeding |
| certain measure of skill and can be performed | | | | their offensive ability. Verdict: sport. |
| competitively, but lacks the qualities of a sport. | | | | Auto-racing? A driver can purposely place their |
| Take juggling. It's definitely a skill. With practice, | | | | car in the way of another and prevent them |
| one could become an extraordinary juggler. A | | | | from passing. That obviously impacts an |
| person could "challenge" someone to a juggling | | | | opponent's game. Sport. |
| contest. Maybe the most balls (or flaming pins or | | | | Olympic long jump? Non-sport. The guy that can |
| chainsaws, the material doesn't really matter) in | | | | jump the farthest wins. There's nothing one |
| the air wins. Keeping half-a-dozen running | | | | participant can do (within the rules) to prevent |
| chainsaws airborne is certainly a feat of | | | | another from giving his best possible effort. |
| considerable skill, but that hardly makes it a sport. | | | | 100-meter sprint? Because each runner is confined |
| If your opponent is not permitted to impact your | | | | to their own lane, it really doesn't make a |
| performance then does it even matter if there's | | | | difference as they're not allowed to make contact |
| an opponent? Whether in a competitive setting or | | | | with other runners. Non-sport. |
| in a relaxed practice setting, the act would be | | | | And while we're on Olympic non-sports, I'm going |
| exactly the same - the performer can either | | | | to wrap-up by taking a few pokes at gymnastics |
| juggle a designated amount of items or he can't. | | | | and figure skating, two obvious non-sports. Sure, |
| The only real opponent to juggling is gravity, not | | | | they take an incredible amount of athletic skill to |
| another juggler. | | | | perform, but it doesn't make them sports. Being a |
| Bowling and golf are excellent examples of this | | | | circus performer employs a similar athletic skill set, |
| principle. In bowling, the biggest impact a player | | | | but we're not handing goal medals to Buckles the |
| can have on an opponent's game is by drying out | | | | Clown. Why? Because he's not competing with |
| a certain area of the lane. (And bowling facilities | | | | anyone. A clown is performing aesthetically versus |
| do their best to combat this.) On approach, one | | | | competing. Isn't that really what is taking place in |
| bowler isn't allowed to distract or impede the | | | | gymnastics and figure skating? |
| other. There are rules strictly against that type of | | | | One could argue gymnasts and skaters are |
| behavior. The same goes for golf. | | | | forced to perform certain moves and tasks in |
| Another telling aspect of these "non-sports" is | | | | their routines and they would have a point. But |
| how opponents don't even have to play against | | | | then the judges get to voice their opinions and |
| each other simultaneously. A golfer could shoot a | | | | there should be as little room as possible in sports |
| 68 and then have an opponent come back and | | | | for opinions. How many times have we seen a |
| beat them by shooting a 67 the following day. | | | | technically perfect gymnastic routine downgraded |
| The only thing the two players had in common | | | | because the gymnast lacked a degree of grace? |
| was playing the same course. Bowling is similar in | | | | Does anybody recall the 1994 Winter Olympics in |
| that a bowler throws 270 on lanes 1-2 and loses | | | | Lillehammer? Oksana "The little orphan girl" Baiul |
| to a guy throwing a 280 on lanes 23-24. | | | | bailed out of nearly every technical aspect of her |
| Some readers will argue that players like Tiger | | | | routine and took home the gold because she of |
| Woods can intimidate opponents when going | | | | "artistic impression". Nancy "Ow, my knee" |
| head-to-head. Sure, but isn't that really an | | | | Kerrigan actually completed a more technically |
| example of a player psyching themselves out? It's | | | | difficult routine without error but lacked Baiul's |
| not like there's the threat of Woods tackling the | | | | innocent presence. That and Kerrigan was |
| player as he sets up for a winning put. It's the | | | | impeded by having two living parents. |
| golfer versus the course. When it's man versus | | | | My point? When outside influences are directly |
| an inanimate object, it's no longer sport. (I'm | | | | factored into determining a winner, the |
| intentionally leaving the door open for miniature | | | | competition in question is automatically suspect |
| golf, but only the holes that fight back - windmills, | | | | and should not be considered a sport. The |
| moving clown faces and such. That's when a | | | | Salchow jump takes incredible skill to pull off, but |
| course is doing its unknowing best to prevent a | | | | that doesn't make figure skating a sport. Olympic |
| player from winning. That's right; Putt-Putt is more | | | | figure skating is little more than Disney on Ice |
| of a sport than PGA golf. There. I said it. Of | | | | tryouts with a medal ceremony thrown in. |
| course, a Putt-Putt course isn't necessarily a | | | | I'm sure some of you are going to disagree with |
| "willing participant" so miniature golf is right back to | | | | Canon Fodder's assessment of the sports |
| being a non-sport.) | | | | landscape and I welcome your feedback. Is there |
| So if golf and bowling are out of the realm of | | | | a hole in my logic?Come to the site and point it |
| "sports", how can we classify them? I say we | | | | out. If you can change my mind I might even |
| acknowledge the skills necessary to play these | | | | include you in a future rebuttal article. |
| games effectively - one can even argue those | | | | But who are we kidding here? You know I'm right. |