| My old pal, Steve, called today, sounding
| |
| | they are my brothers and I feel their
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| all down in the dumps. "My hair's falling
| |
| | pain. Actually, I'm sitting here with my
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| out," Steve said sadly. "So I called my
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| | thumbs in my ears, wiggling my fingers,
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| doctor to see if he could give me
| |
| | sticking out my tongue and singing,
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| something to keep it in.""What did he
| |
| | "Na-a- na- na- na!" I'm sympathetic to
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| recommend?" I asked. To which Steve
| |
| | your plight, my bald brothers, but in a
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| replied, "He said to just use a box."Poor
| |
| | "better you than me" kind of way. Sorry.I
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| Steve, like so many other
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| | did my best to make Steve feel better (I
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| follicly-challenged men his age, he sees
| |
| | felt bad after calling him, "Curly.") I
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| the final parting of his hair as a sign
| |
| | explained that his hair abandoning his
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| that his life is all but over. "It's all
| |
| | head was nothing personal. That's just
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| downhill from here, man," Steve moaned.
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| | the way hair works. A man's hair is like
|
| "You know how it works. First, you lose
| |
| | a Michigan retiree. It spends forty years
|
| your hair, then your teeth, then your
| |
| | working for you atop your head, then,
|
| bladder control! I might as well go out
| |
| | when it's old and tired, it pulls up
|
| right now and buy a box of Depends
| |
| | stakes and heads south, setting up little
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| because I'll need them by the
| |
| | hair retirement communities all along the
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| weekend!""Come on, Steve," I said.
| |
| | way. They sprout up in a man's ears, in
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| "You're being ridiculous." (Mental note:
| |
| | his nose, in his eyebrows, all over his
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| Next time Steve comes to the house, keep
| |
| | back. And I don't even want to talk about
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| him off the new couch.)When Steve and I
| |
| | those hairy, little buggers that settle
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| were younger, hair was the least of our
| |
| | in what would be considered the
|
| worries. We came of age in the late
| |
| | biological equivalent of Miami Beach.
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| '70's, a time when men were men and women
| |
| | There are just some things best left
|
| were scarce and hair was something we all
| |
| | undescribed.My conversation with Steve
|
| had plenty of. This was an era influenced
| |
| | did make me wonder how I'll react when my
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| by Keith Partridge and Tony Orlando and
| |
| | hair finally decides to go. I contacted
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| Grand Funk Railroad and The Bee Gees,
| |
| | my friend and well-known haircare expert,
|
| who, between them, laid claim to
| |
| | Dr. Beechwood A. Jing, Professor Emiritis
|
| approximately 17% of the world's known
| |
| | of the South Hampton Institute of
|
| hair. Steve and I shared 3%, and the
| |
| | Technology's Hammond-Eggar
|
| remaining 80% was doled out to everybody
| |
| | Anthropological Department, to ask why
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| else, with most of it going to the
| |
| | men are so attached to their hair,
|
| inhabitants of the isle of Samoa.While
| |
| | especially after it's no longer attached
|
| Steve's coiffure was inspired by the
| |
| | to them."Hair to a man is like tail
|
| "Elvis Live From Hawaii" poster he had
| |
| | feathers to a peacock," Dr. Jing wisely
|
| hanging in his room, I sported the
| |
| | explained. "A man's hair helps define him
|
| official do of the day. My hair was
| |
| | as an individual and plays a tremendous
|
| parted perfectly down the middle with
| |
| | part in establishing his sexual identity.
|
| microscopic precision, layered back in
| |
| | Therefore, in a man's eyes, when his hair
|
| wings, and hanging down to my shoulders.
| |
| | goes, so goes his manhood. Like a plucked
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| Styling such a head of hair was a highly
| |
| | peacock, he may experience a dramatic
|
| technical operation, requiring a steady
| |
| | loss of self-worth and self-confidence,
|
| hand, a keen eye, a stout comb (I used
| |
| | especially where the opposite sex is
|
| one of those big honkers with a clenched
| |
| | concerned. Such feelings of inadequacy
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| fist on the handle), and sixteen cans of
| |
| | can lead to deep depression, bouts of
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| hairspray. I averaged burning up one hair
| |
| | paranoia, periods of anti-social
|
| dryer every six days and used so much
| |
| | behavior, a lifetime membership in the
|
| hairspray that the ozone layer still
| |
| | Hair Club For Men - all sorts of horrible
|
| sends me hate mail. But boy, did I look
| |
| | things!""Dr. Jing, what can a man do to
|
| cool, or at least I thought so at the
| |
| | work through these feelings of
|
| time. I look back at my 1978 graduation
| |
| | inadequacy?" I asked."They should seek
|
| picture now and wonder, "What the hell
| |
| | out a licensed psychotherapist to help
|
| was I thinking?" I looked like Marlo
| |
| | guide them through recovery," Dr. Jing
|
| Thomas after a bad peroxide rinse.I still
| |
| | concluded. "Or they could just take all
|
| have a full head of hair, but I wear it
| |
| | their money and buy themselves a new
|
| short these days so I don't have to do
| |
| | Porsche. Nothing diverts attention from a
|
| much to it. Low maintenance hair, my wife
| |
| | cue ball head like an expensive, German
|
| calls it. It's not that I've grown lazy.
| |
| | sports car."Great advice, Doc. I can't
|
| It's that, once the affects of all that
| |
| | wait to tell Curly -- I mean, Steve.From
|
| hairspray finally wore off, I realized
| |
| | "Small Business Q&A" With Tim Knox
|
| that I only have so much time on earth
| |
| | Tim Knox is a nationally-known
|
| and spending 1/4 of it with a blow dryer
| |
| | entrepreneur, author, speaker, and radio
|
| in one hand and a roll brush in the other
| |
| | show host.
|
| seemed like an awful waste. But even
| |
| | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs
|
| though I'm not losing my hair, I feel for
| |
| | realize their business dreams.
|
| Steve and other men who are. After all,
| |
| |
|
