Non-resolutions

I've never liked the idea of New Year'smakes it more real when you write it down. And
Resolutions. If you make them, you feel that youwrite it down I do.
are somehow accountable, and what if you don'tNothing is immune from my New Year's
live up? Who's keeping score anyway? It could benon-resolution list making, sometimes it's an inch
the most unrelenting taskmaster of all. On a veryor two that must go, am I getting all the exercise
real level, the worst person you ever want toI need? Other times it is that novel I meant to
disappoint is yourself. Maybe that is why I don'tfinish, and despite making my non-resolution list at
like New Year's Resolutions.least every other year, it will be there until I'm
Despite the fact that I don't like them and Idone. Oh, and that trip I always wanted to take!
invariably refuse to make them, the New Year isHow much will I have to budget to make that
nevertheless a time to reflect, to think aboutone excursion happen. I can't even remember the
where you've been in the past year and to setlast time I made it to the beach. And that trail
your sights on where you'd like to go. This muchI've always wanted to hike. That old friend I've
self-analysis I can handle.been meaning to write, the garden I want to
As the holiday festivities wind down, I enjoyplant, the new recipe I want to cook - just
curling up with a nice cup of my favorite coffeebecause I know we'll all love it. The special evening
and spending some quality time with myself,I want to spend with my honey. Nothing,
thinking about what I've accomplished in the lastabsolutely nothing is immune from my list making
year, and also thinking about things from lastand you can count on things being there for no
year's list, uh non-list, that I really wish I hadother reason than that those are things I really,
accomplished. What went wrong? How do I getreally would like to do. Get the idea? These are
back on the path I want?the things that make my life my own; these are
I think back over the last year and I think hard.the things that make life good.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try; lifeLikely, as not, though, I'll also include the next
really does get in the way of itself. But you know,exact step I need to take to keep my career on
when I am working just as hard as I can, andthe path I want. And, down to business, keeping
things still don't work out, I don't have tomy finances in order, and my house from falling in
apologize to anyone, all I have to do is remindaround me. I also try to take note of my friends
myself to keep trying.and family: are my relationships all where they
Keeping in mind that old adage about try, tryshould be? Are the people who depend on me
again - sometimes it's not that we need to tryhappy and are their lives heading in the direction
again, we've already been doing that -- again andthey need to be going? If not, what can I do to
again and again. Sometimes we really do need tohelp, what is in my power to do and what is
try something else. That said, I do think hardrealistic? This is not a nosedive into
about what I need to do to keep myself onco-dependency, this is about looking at my family
course. Sometimes I need to stay on the sameand friends and trying to make sure that I am
old course and try it one more time anddoing my part. You know, the old saw about, "It
sometimes I need to try something different.takes a whole a village...." Well, it does.
Either way, as another old saying goes, "I ain't noJust about done now, this is not a long
quitter."assignment, just a few moments with a nice cup
I'm also a dreamer and after I really look hard atof coffee, a pen and a piece of scratch paper.
the things I need to keep after, the things I needJust a little bit of thinking, a little bit of planning --
to change, the things I need to fix, and theand just about done reminiscing when some
closets I need to clean out, I spend some timeunspent tears make their way to the surface.
dreaming about the things I want to make aThat's okay too. Because, invariably, that too is
reality. I think about those dreams. And mostpart of my little bit of time, with my favorite cup
definitely, I dream those dreams.of coffee, facing the New Year once again. Life is
Deep down, I am a list maker, a planner and ahard, no doubt, and I'd be lying if I said the last
dreamer. And just about the time I take the lastyear hadn't been hard. Nonetheless, in a lot of
sip on those reminisces and regrets about the oldways, it has also been a good year and I have a
year, I fill my cup one more time. Now, I amnew one to look forward to. With that, I scribble
thinking about the New Year, what I want toout my last non-resolution, polish off the last drop
accomplish, what I need to accomplish, and what Iof coffee and with bitter-sweet resolve, I am
want to do, just because I want to.once more ready to face the New Year.
Out comes the paper and pen. Somehow, it