| My old pal, Steve, called today, sounding all | | | | their pain. Actually, I'm sitting here with |
| down in the dumps. "My hair's falling out," | | | | my thumbs in my ears, wiggling my fingers, |
| Steve said sadly. "So I called my doctor to | | | | sticking out my tongue and singing, "Na-a- |
| see if he could give me something to keep it | | | | na- na- na!" I'm sympathetic to your plight, |
| in.""What did he recommend?" I asked. To | | | | my bald brothers, but in a "better you than |
| which Steve replied, "He said to just use a | | | | me" kind of way. Sorry.I did my best to make |
| box."Poor Steve, like so many other | | | | Steve feel better (I felt bad after calling |
| follicly-challenged men his age, he sees the | | | | him, "Curly.") I explained that his hair |
| final parting of his hair as a sign that his | | | | abandoning his head was nothing personal. |
| life is all but over. "It's all downhill from | | | | That's just the way hair works. A man's hair |
| here, man," Steve moaned. "You know how it | | | | is like a Michigan retiree. It spends forty |
| works. First, you lose your hair, then your | | | | years working for you atop your head, then, |
| teeth, then your bladder control! I might as | | | | when it's old and tired, it pulls up stakes |
| well go out right now and buy a box of | | | | and heads south, setting up little hair |
| Depends because I'll need them by the | | | | retirement communities all along the way. |
| weekend!""Come on, Steve," I said. "You're | | | | They sprout up in a man's ears, in his nose, |
| being ridiculous." (Mental note: Next time | | | | in his eyebrows, all over his back. And I |
| Steve comes to the house, keep him off the | | | | don't even want to talk about those hairy, |
| new couch.)When Steve and I were younger, | | | | little buggers that settle in what would be |
| hair was the least of our worries. We came of | | | | considered the biological equivalent of Miami |
| age in the late '70's, a time when men were | | | | Beach. There are just some things best left |
| men and women were scarce and hair was | | | | undescribed.My conversation with Steve did |
| something we all had plenty of. This was an | | | | make me wonder how I'll react when my hair |
| era influenced by Keith Partridge and Tony | | | | finally decides to go. I contacted my friend |
| Orlando and Grand Funk Railroad and The Bee | | | | and well-known haircare expert, Dr. Beechwood |
| Gees, who, between them, laid claim to | | | | A. Jing, Professor Emiritis of the South |
| approximately 17% of the world's known hair. | | | | Hampton Institute of Technology's |
| Steve and I shared 3%, and the remaining 80% | | | | Hammond-Eggar Anthropological Department, to |
| was doled out to everybody else, with most of | | | | ask why men are so attached to their hair, |
| it going to the inhabitants of the isle of | | | | especially after it's no longer attached to |
| Samoa.While Steve's coiffure was inspired by | | | | them."Hair to a man is like tail feathers to |
| the "Elvis Live From Hawaii" poster he had | | | | a peacock," Dr. Jing wisely explained. "A |
| hanging in his room, I sported the official | | | | man's hair helps define him as an individual |
| do of the day. My hair was parted perfectly | | | | and plays a tremendous part in establishing |
| down the middle with microscopic precision, | | | | his sexual identity. Therefore, in a man's |
| layered back in wings, and hanging down to my | | | | eyes, when his hair goes, so goes his |
| shoulders. Styling such a head of hair was a | | | | manhood. Like a plucked peacock, he may |
| highly technical operation, requiring a | | | | experience a dramatic loss of self-worth and |
| steady hand, a keen eye, a stout comb (I used | | | | self-confidence, especially where the |
| one of those big honkers with a clenched fist | | | | opposite sex is concerned. Such feelings of |
| on the handle), and sixteen cans of | | | | inadequacy can lead to deep depression, bouts |
| hairspray. I averaged burning up one hair | | | | of paranoia, periods of anti-social behavior, |
| dryer every six days and used so much | | | | a lifetime membership in the Hair Club For |
| hairspray that the ozone layer still sends me | | | | Men - all sorts of horrible things!""Dr. |
| hate mail. But boy, did I look cool, or at | | | | Jing, what can a man do to work through these |
| least I thought so at the time. I look back | | | | feelings of inadequacy?" I asked."They should |
| at my 1978 graduation picture now and wonder, | | | | seek out a licensed psychotherapist to help |
| "What the hell was I thinking?" I looked like | | | | guide them through recovery," Dr. Jing |
| Marlo Thomas after a bad peroxide rinse.I | | | | concluded. "Or they could just take all their |
| still have a full head of hair, but I wear it | | | | money and buy themselves a new Porsche. |
| short these days so I don't have to do much | | | | Nothing diverts attention from a cue ball |
| to it. Low maintenance hair, my wife calls | | | | head like an expensive, German sports |
| it. It's not that I've grown lazy. It's that, | | | | car."Great advice, Doc. I can't wait to tell |
| once the affects of all that hairspray | | | | Curly -- I mean, Steve.From "Small Business |
| finally wore off, I realized that I only have | | | | Q&A" With Tim Knox |
| so much time on earth and spending 1/4 of it | | | | |
| with a blow dryer in one hand and a roll | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, |
| brush in the other seemed like an awful | | | | author, speaker, and radio show host. |
| waste. But even though I'm not losing my | | | | |
| hair, I feel for Steve and other men who are. | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs |
| After all, they are my brothers and I feel | | | | realize their business dreams. |