| Is it me or are the 1998 Winter Olympics
| |
| | is all about: the human need to
|
| about as exciting as watching old people
| |
| | experience danger and excitement at
|
| speedwalk at the mall? Don't get me
| |
| | someone else's expense. Forget the thrill
|
| wrong, I'm as patriotic as the next guy,
| |
| | of victory. We want to see the agony of
|
| but when the nightly highlight show
| |
| | defeat.Dr. Beechwood A. Jing, Professor
|
| contains fifteen minutes of slow-motion
| |
| | Emiritus at the South Hampton Institute
|
| replays of the day's curling competition
| |
| | of Technology's Hammond-Eggar
|
| (an event that's boring at regular
| |
| | Anthropological Department, is the man
|
| speed), you know something is wrong.So
| |
| | credited with identifying The Tanya
|
| what's missing this time around? There's
| |
| | Factor. Dr. Jing recently completed an
|
| no Tanya Factor.The Tanya Factor is a
| |
| | extensive two day/three night study that
|
| theoretical law of physics which takes
| |
| | concluded, without The Tanya Factor, life
|
| into account three basic rules of human
| |
| | as we know it can be pretty damn
|
| nature:
| |
| | boring.Dr. Jing found that, contrary to
|
| Rule #1: Most people are only human.
| |
| | popular belief, most people don't go to
|
| Rule #2: Everybody screws up once in
| |
| | hockey games just to see large, toothless
|
| awhile. And,
| |
| | men skate gracefully around the ice. No,
|
| Rule #3: When somebody screws up, the
| |
| | most people go to hockey games to see
|
| rest of us will stand in line to watch.
| |
| | large, toothless men beat the crap out of
|
| Imagine Murphy's Law with a live studio
| |
| | each other! He also discovered that most
|
| audience, that's The Tanya Factor.The
| |
| | people don't go to the races just to
|
| Tanya Factor is named in honor of Tanya
| |
| | watch the pretty cars go round and round
|
| Harding, that wonderful piece of Olympic
| |
| | the track. Most people go to the races to
|
| white trash who made the 1994 Winter
| |
| | see the pretty cars crash into each other
|
| Games such a "must see" event. You
| |
| | at a hundred miles an hour! I had no
|
| remember Tanya, the chainsmoking,
| |
| | idea, did you?The only sign that The
|
| hard-drinking, foul-mouthed figure skater
| |
| | Tanya Factor is at work in Nagano has
|
| who, along with her nitwit husband, Jeff
| |
| | come from Ross Rebagliati, the Canadian
|
| Gillooly (who has since changed his name
| |
| | snowboarder whose gold medal was taken
|
| to Stone because no one could say
| |
| | away after he tested positive for
|
| Gillooly with a straight face), tried to
| |
| | marijuana. To understand why an athlete
|
| disable rival skater Nancy Kerrigan by
| |
| | would risk smoking pot during the Games,
|
| hitting her in the knee with a lead pipe.
| |
| | you have to understand what snowboarding
|
| Tanya escaped serious jail time, but was
| |
| | is all about. You stand on a miniature
|
| charged with having lousy taste in men
| |
| | surfboard and fly down the side of a
|
| and banned from competitive skating
| |
| | steep mountain at a speed that's roughly
|
| forever. Too bad. Athletic role models
| |
| | twice the speed of light. Nobody in their
|
| like Tanya don't come along everyday
| |
| | right mind would do that straight! Of
|
| (unless you count Mike Tyson, Dennis
| |
| | course he had pot in his system. That's
|
| Rodman, Latrell Sprewell, etc.).But Tanya
| |
| | probably why he won the gold medal. He
|
| was special. This was a woman who puffed
| |
| | was trying to get down that mountain
|
| Marlboro cigarettes and swilled Budweiser
| |
| | before all the Doritos were gone!Finally,
|
| from the can while attempting difficult
| |
| | Dr. Jing believes that The Tanya Factor
|
| skating maneuvers like the double cowpie
| |
| | doesn't just apply to sports, but to
|
| and the triple decker klutz. This was a
| |
| | everyday life, as well. That's why TV
|
| woman who lived in a trailer and drove a
| |
| | shows like "Top Cops" and "The Worlds
|
| Dodge Ram pickup that had a gunrack in
| |
| | Deadliest Car Chases" and "The World's
|
| the rear window and a bumper sticker on
| |
| | Deadliest Animal Attacks" and "The
|
| the tailgate that read "I'll kneecap your
| |
| | World's Deadliest Car Chases Involving
|
| honor student!" This, my friends, was a
| |
| | Top Cops Chasing The World's Deadliest
|
| real woman, at least where I come
| |
| | Animals" are so popular. They get our
|
| from.Thanks to Tanya and company, the
| |
| | hearts pumping, our blood going, our
|
| 1994 Winter Games became the greatest
| |
| | adrenaline flowing. They give us what we
|
| show on earth. We all tuned in, though
| |
| | want. They give us Tanya.And our knees
|
| none of us really cared about flawless
| |
| | are none the worse for wear.From "Small
|
| skating and perfectly executed jumps. We
| |
| | Business Q&A" With Tim Knox
|
| just wanted to see what Tanya was going
| |
| | Tim Knox is a nationally-known
|
| to do next, as if there really was the
| |
| | entrepreneur, author, speaker, and radio
|
| chance that she and Nancy would beat the
| |
| | show host.
|
| bejesus out of each other in the middle
| |
| | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs
|
| of the ice. That's what The Tanya Factor
| |
| | realize their business dreams.
|
