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The Tanya Factor

Is it me or are the 1998 Winter OlympicsThe Tanya Factor is all about: the human need
about as exciting as watching old peopleto experience danger and excitement at
speedwalk at the mall? Don't get me wrong,someone else's expense. Forget the thrill of
I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but whenvictory. We want to see the agony of
the nightly highlight show contains fifteendefeat.Dr. Beechwood A. Jing, Professor
minutes of slow-motion replays of the day'sEmiritus at the South Hampton Institute of
curling competition (an event that's boringTechnology's Hammond-Eggar Anthropological
at regular speed), you know something isDepartment, is the man credited with
wrong.So what's missing this time around?identifying The Tanya Factor. Dr. Jing
There's no Tanya Factor.The Tanya Factor is arecently completed an extensive two day/three
theoretical law of physics which takes intonight study that concluded, without The Tanya
account  three  basic rules of human nature:Factor, life as we know it can be pretty damn
boring.Dr. Jing found that, contrary to
Rule  #1:  Most  people  are  only  human.popular belief, most people don't go to
hockey games just to see large, toothless men
Rule #2: Everybody screws up once in awhile.skate gracefully around the ice. No, most
And,people go to hockey games to see large,
toothless men beat the crap out of each
Rule #3: When somebody screws up, the restother! He also discovered that most people
of us will stand in line to watch. Imaginedon't go to the races just to watch the
Murphy's Law with a live studio audience,pretty cars go round and round the track.
that's The Tanya Factor.The Tanya Factor isMost people go to the races to see the pretty
named in honor of Tanya Harding, thatcars crash into each other at a hundred miles
wonderful piece of Olympic white trash whoan hour! I had no idea, did you?The only sign
made the 1994 Winter Games such a "must see"that The Tanya Factor is at work in Nagano
event. You remember Tanya, the chainsmoking,has come from Ross Rebagliati, the Canadian
hard-drinking, foul-mouthed figure skatersnowboarder whose gold medal was taken away
who, along with her nitwit husband, Jeffafter he tested positive for marijuana. To
Gillooly (who has since changed his name tounderstand why an athlete would risk smoking
Stone because no one could say Gillooly withpot during the Games, you have to understand
a straight face), tried to disable rivalwhat snowboarding is all about. You stand on
skater Nancy Kerrigan by hitting her in thea miniature surfboard and fly down the side
knee with a lead pipe. Tanya escaped seriousof a steep mountain at a speed that's roughly
jail time, but was charged with having lousytwice the speed of light. Nobody in their
taste in men and banned from competitiveright mind would do that straight! Of course
skating forever. Too bad. Athletic rolehe had pot in his system. That's probably why
models like Tanya don't come along everydayhe won the gold medal. He was trying to get
(unless you count Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman,down that mountain before all the Doritos
Latrell Sprewell, etc.).But Tanya waswere gone!Finally, Dr. Jing believes that The
special. This was a woman who puffed MarlboroTanya Factor doesn't just apply to sports,
cigarettes and swilled Budweiser from the canbut to everyday life, as well. That's why TV
while attempting difficult skating maneuversshows like "Top Cops" and "The Worlds
like the double cowpie and the triple deckerDeadliest Car Chases" and "The World's
klutz. This was a woman who lived in aDeadliest Animal Attacks" and "The World's
trailer and drove a Dodge Ram pickup that hadDeadliest Car Chases Involving Top Cops
a gunrack in the rear window and a bumperChasing The World's Deadliest Animals" are so
sticker on the tailgate that read "I'llpopular. They get our hearts pumping, our
kneecap your honor student!" This, myblood going, our adrenaline flowing. They
friends, was a real woman, at least where Igive us what we want. They give us Tanya.And
come from.Thanks to Tanya and company, theour knees are none the worse for wear.From
1994 Winter Games became the greatest show on"Small  Business  Q&A"  With  Tim  Knox
earth. We all tuned in, though none of us
really cared about flawless skating andTim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur,
perfectly executed jumps. We just wanted toauthor,  speaker,  and  radio  show  host.
see what Tanya was going to do next, as if
there really was the chance that she andTim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs
Nancy would beat the bejesus out of eachrealize their business dreams.
other in the middle of the ice. That's what



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