| It is the most secret of societies. Its history is | | | | sorrows in a deep dish pepperoni pie with extra |
| uncertain, its purpose unclear and its scope | | | | pepperoni. Ah... pepperoni.There's hope.In the odd |
| unknown. It has no name, holds no formal | | | | event you find you are both hungry for soup and |
| meetings and its members carry no cards. Clever. | | | | can convince not a single soul to take pity on you |
| Anthropologists, teaming with an eclectic group of | | | | and make it, try this recipe-for-the-rest-of-us for |
| scientists and academicians, have stumbled upon | | | | Homemade White Bean and Turkey Breast |
| precious few clues in their quest to unmask the | | | | Soup:--Put a Big pot on the stove.--Turn the |
| centuries old enigma.Here is what they know so | | | | burner to medium.--Pour in enough olive oil, or |
| far about the "Secret Society" (SS):--The SS | | | | other oil, to cover the bottom.--Pour in some soy |
| meets spontaneously, seeming to have no rigid | | | | sauce.--Chop up three big onions and toss them |
| code of pre-ceremonial obligations it must | | | | in.--Chop up five or six cloves of garlic and toss |
| perform.--The meetings are brief - or long - and, | | | | them in.--Chop up four sticks of celery and toss |
| at times, of a moderate duration.--The meetings | | | | them in.--Optional-Chop up one sweet roasted |
| are often held in public venues, in the full presence | | | | pepper (it comes in a jar) and toss it in.--Chop up |
| of non-members.--The members of the SS share | | | | a couple handfuls of smoked turkey breast and |
| an odd dialect that, to the untrained ear, sounds | | | | toss it in.--Mix the stuff around and let it |
| like utter gibberish.Scientists have begun to invest | | | | cook.--Open five cans of white beans, or others |
| their energies toward studying the odd dialect, | | | | (Great Northern, Cannellini, Pinto, Butter...)--Top off |
| believing it may hold the key to the Secret | | | | the pot with water and turn up the heat to |
| Society's ability to flourish. Ancient texts reveal | | | | high.--Add other seasonings you like - salt, pepper |
| the original adherents used a complex series of | | | | - or, thyme, cumin or cayenne.--When the soup |
| grunts and chortles to disguise their | | | | boils, turn the burner down to low and wait... for |
| communications. Today, Anthropological | | | | about thirty minutes.--Soups on! Enjoy.Now that |
| Nutritionists believe their trickery may reside in | | | | you've mastered the pot and enjoyed the fruits, |
| the confusing terminology of weights and | | | | or soups, of your labor you're in for the real |
| measures.Discussions of "pinches and dashes," and | | | | challenge. When you head out later to join some |
| "drops and dollops" are clearly sinister, but their | | | | friends for a late night chat and chai, be ready. |
| exact meaning has yet to be deciphered. The | | | | Barely perceptible at the onset, you'll soon find |
| hasty scrawling of arcane messages, bearing the | | | | yourself distracted by the conversation at the |
| taunting abbreviations "Tbs., Tsp. and Pt." are | | | | next table. Something about a cup of chicken |
| especially worrisome. The fact that the women - | | | | stock or a dash of... This is how it begins. They |
| yes, the SS is composed entirely of women - | | | | entice their prey with cunning precision and show |
| plan their mayhem in the full light of day (and | | | | no mercy to simple-minded-men, conscripting |
| sometimes in the evening over a nice potluck with | | | | them as eunuchs in the perpetual service of the |
| the neighbors) leads scientists to believe it may | | | | Secret Society.Escape now!Get up and flee into |
| be too late. The Secret Society may live... | | | | the darkness, forsaking forever the lilt of the |
| forever!For many men the Secret Society is all | | | | ladle, the pleasantries of the pantry. Your life |
| too real. One look at a recipe - yes, of course, it's | | | | depends upon it. If you tarry, it will be too |
| assumed an emergency of some sort exists - | | | | late...Tim Anderson is a freelance writer who has a |
| one look is all it takes to send even the toughest | | | | special interest in medical topics. |
| man to the local pizzeria, where he can drown his | | | | |